What I was feeling when I cried over Jay's shirts

Five lost years struggled on my lips as I sat surrounded by Jay’s shirts. I felt completely overwhelmed by the emotions I had been suppressing for the past five years. I was angry that Jay went off to war and didn’t stay with me. I felt trapped because I was stuck in a marriage I never really wanted. I was heartbroken because I wasn’t strong enough and didn’t wait for Jay to return home. Yet Jay looked at me and said, “what is it Daisy?” I just sat there grasping the shirts, tears pooling in my eyes and I whispered, “It makes me sad.” Jay held my face between his hands and asked, “Why?” Why? Why did I feel like my heart was being ripped out all over again? Why did I marry Tom that day after I read Jay’s letter, asking me to wait for him? That letter nearly stopped my wedding but it just wasn’t enough. All I could say was, “Because, I’ve never seen such beautiful shirts before.” I know I can’t keep putting off this conversation but I’m weak, I always have been. I’ve let other people dictate my life and make me into something I never wanted to be: A Golden Girl. I’ve always wanted to be so much more than this. The shirts were still in my hands, silent tears slipping down my face with the feeling of shame for not being honest with Jay. He held me in his arms like he did so long ago and he, too, tried to push aside the real reason I cried over his shirts.